yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
