ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
