I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I need water and some morals
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