he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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