Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
