Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
