I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
