Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize