i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
