We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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