i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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