dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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