My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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