He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
