you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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