Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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