He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
They have beer where we have blood.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
