Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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