Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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