I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
