I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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