bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
