So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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