Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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