i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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