If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
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I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
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I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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