So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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