Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
