I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
