She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
