Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
