So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
