You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
