I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
