So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
