at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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