"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
