i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
