Where is the hickey?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
