I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
