just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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