I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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