my phone cant type all the emotion im having
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
