You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
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Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
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Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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