stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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