your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
