He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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