i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
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woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just found a bag of teeth...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
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The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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