If i come over, it means nothing
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I AM VODKA MAN
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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