He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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