tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
where am i from again
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
