you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
