Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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