shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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