dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
