i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
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You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
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I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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