He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
