If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
