ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
