Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
